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scary times, camp ends soon, yay for week of summer

Jul. 25th, 2006 | 02:13 pm

Jeeze, guys. My heart is pounding. Life is intimidating sometimes.

NYSSSA's almost over. Final stretch. We'll see how the week goes. I'm looking forward to next week when I can stay up late and play chess at Dylan's and jump around with vivian on tv-screens. I can't wait to leave. I can't wait to gogogo away from this crazy place. To other, more exciting crazy places!

Love. For serious. And I miss miss maggie!

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more, and more, of NYSSSA

Jul. 18th, 2006 | 12:39 am

Man, today lecture went from 8pm to 12am. Noiiiice. I don't know if I can take this place much longer.

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final film

Jul. 17th, 2006 | 02:36 pm

So, I'm working on this movie, and here is the concept, and what do you think I should do.

a group of friends go for an adventure at Ithaca Gun, the old factory... the couple leaves the group to have a talk (about what?) and stays in the same place the entire movie - they are the audience's sense of safety, comfort, and stasis.

The others (three?) walk off to explore together, and start getting creeped out, camera moves intensely, there are shadows everywhere and somehow they get separated, etc etc etc.

Meanwhile the movie continues to cut back to the room upstairs where the couple went, and all the things they're saying, and it becomes romantic drama. Then we cut back to horror, wierd shit going down. Back and forth.

In the end the third girl is walking through the building tentatively, sees the two others (who went adventuring) lying on the ground, possibly dead, and doesn't seem to care, but not in a devious way as much as a blank, apathetic way. She walks up the stairs to approach the couple, and the audio hints that she is guilty of something. Perhaps a voice, as she walks up the stairs, says, as if reciting a poem, "I'm walking through cobwebs up to the top just to look down on all that I've done." Or perhaps it's too wierd, or too corny. I don't know. She sees the couple, they see her, they stop talking.
We black out.
Maybe they say "I love you."

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Jul. 14th, 2006 | 05:20 pm

Today we went up to the Farm Sanctuary, a very nice place indeed (except for all the shit). Took some film there.
Last night my roommate made a movie in our room. she hung sheets from the ceiling and i waltzed in 16-hour lipstick.
Ashera is very cool indeed.
Excited about coming home this weekend. good stuff.
I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow. Yay, antibiotics, here i come!
Things are going well at the moment...
Things are quite all right.

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oh ow

Jul. 13th, 2006 | 10:01 pm

I am pained and needy and ill. I hurt. It sucks. I'm a grouch. I don't enjoy myself. I mope. I get antsy. I feel alone. I can't sleep. I get bad dreams. I haven't smelled these flowers yet.

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our shared histories

Jul. 13th, 2006 | 06:04 pm

Reading kids' old journal entries I feel like I'm reconstructing history for myself. I realize things I never knew at the time I read these words, I realize what I didn't know two years ago, the things I didn't understand. I try to put the lives together, see how they fit and how one relates to the other. There's been so much time and space and complications in these years that we've documented together, and I think something should be done about it.

to be continued?

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Jul. 12th, 2006 | 08:16 am

i walked in and they were on the floor, wrapped up in each other.
i turned my head to look at something else, because it was okay.
i told everyone to leave them alone, they looked busy with each other.
and i ignored myself, because it was okay.

we still stood stunned and when they broke
she ran off and disappeared
he seemed confused and he explained
he didn't like her anyway

i glanced from one onto another
and i smiled at each one
it was okay, i was fine
as long as it was all in fun

i told myself i didn't care
i told them that i didn't care
why he picked her when he could have me

he's a betrayer in my dreams

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"love and war"

Jul. 12th, 2006 | 01:15 am
tunes: rilo kiley

all is fair in love and we're in love
now that everybody's dead we can finally talk
can vanity and happiness coexist?
all the lovers we've takin' in direct view of the enemy

and we shift each other's body to accept the bullet
and continue the pleasure
the treasures of battle
it's only for the wounded, the purple-hearted

why must you try to ruin my peace of mind?
and they were only words and i never meant them
i never loved you
even in my weakness
you were fuel for the fire - cannon fodder

and my grandpa drank, fell and broke his face in two
when the cops arrived he exclaimed "i fought in world war II"
and then carried him to darkened hospital room
and said, "no modern person here remembers you
and we can't identify the enemy
and it could be you so it'll cost you."
and it only cost me my wife
and my job
now what

and my mom and i went to identify the body
and i wanted to see but she wouldn't let me
i had to wait for the military cemetary
and when we got there this is what she said to me
"love and war, in heaven and in hell
you get what you deserve
you'd better spend it well
all is fair in love and war and love
a civil world like this it always sells itself"

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the world is falling apart, start now.

Jul. 11th, 2006 | 11:02 pm

news playing stories about horror and tragedy
they don't know about suburban homes
they don't know about these closed doors
they don't know about inside fights

i'm dreaming
that i'm sleeping
i have nightmares on these sleepless nights

i don't know about those homes
all i know are these closed doors
all i know is what they say
all i know is what he did

suddenly the world falls apart
you stand speechless,
saying, when did it all go to shit
or was i just not around for the beginning of this?

suddenly the cards all drop
now you know what they're all thinking

they all know about closed doors
they all know where shit goes down
they've lived in suburban homes
nothing can't happen in this little town

inside fights and silent riots
now the volume gets turned up
scarred for life, wake up crying
dreaming inside fights and riots.

i didn't know about all this.
this home has suddenly gone to shit.

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dear time

Jul. 8th, 2006 | 10:12 pm

dearest friend of mine
i think you might think that i've done you wrong
so i think i might right it
by proving you untrue

boy, you've said so much in so little time
i've waited so long
to make you mine
the clock's still ticking...

and i just stare at hands moving
the sun always coming up
we just stare at the ceiling
until we have to get up

dear friend, i think i've lost it
but it's just too hard to tell
when you don't know what you had before
that couldve been so swell

dear boy, i think we've lost it
but it's just too soon to say
time keeps spinning further down the drain

drink drink drink it up
drink until you're drowned

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